Leaving Father and Mother

A Man must leave his Father and His Mother

This scriptural verse is truer today than ever. Indeed, the lack of utilizing its wisdom causes much grief in families in this 21st century.

Husbands and wives argue over decisions and it leads to much pain and suffering. They often cannot agree on the right answer. Inevitably, one or the other will reach outside of the marriage for support of their own personal view of the situation. If both resort to this option then they can end up being the in person advocate for other people who have no real interest in the outcome.

That is a recipe for disaster, because talk is cheap but living out the result of the cheap talk is very pricey for those who own the argument in the first place. Long story short – keep it between the two of you. Remember to talk to one another and not other people, especially parents. Parents have a strong tendency to support their offspring and enjoy being part of that process.

To begin with we must learn to argue civilly. We must learn to express ourselves in a low intensity and calm way that lacks hostile expression or accusations or even threats. We must also learn to recognize when ego is involved and do our best to eliminate its influence. In this day and age that is often asking a lot, but if we cannot be successful in this facet then we are not likely to be successful in a thoughtful resolution that is acceptable to all concerned.

Next, we must understand that it is normal to not always agree. The longer we live together the more we begin to think alike and therefore we will agree more often. We must also understand that it ok to disagree, the disagreement can actually lead to working our way through the decision and make each person feel more comfortable with the final decision.

Finally, we should agree on which one will be responsible for living out the decision, that is, which one will face the most impact from the decision. That person should be given more latitude in the overall process.

Once that final decision is made, both should work hard to make it come to fruition, and no reverting to the original arguing process to prove themselves ‘correct’ if difficulties arise.

God understands human beings completely. He knows they will not always agree and hopes the process of resolving the issue will flesh it out in a way that both can live with.

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