Loneliness can be devastating and hurtful to our overall self-image. No matter how secure and mature we are, there are times when loneliness just eats at our very bones. Lifestyles that promote aloneness such as widowhood, monastic life, isolating illnesses, to mention a few, are viewed by some as a fate worse than death.
Perhaps the saddest form of loneliness is that which we bring on ourselves by our behavior. Unlike the situational loneliness described above, behavior induced loneliness sometimes goes on below our own radar. We are not aware that our behavior is causing our problem. As someone noted, awareness is the first step in correction our problems.
With that in mind, let’s look at a few of the behavior patterns that negatively affect our relationships with others. Some of the sweetest people can still be know-it-alls. No matter what the topic, they know more than others. It may be presented sweetly, but others like to also ‘know’ things, too. If we deny others the opportunity to contribute they will not be back, they will not invite us to go for coffee or a movie or lunch, and we are left wondering why. Simply put, let others tell us stuff we may already know. It can be a ministry.
Sometimes it is nothing other than the need to fill silent periods that turns off our potential friends. We feel compelled to ‘Keep it going’ and there is no time left open to digest our thoughts or the thoughts of others. The quality of our conversations suffer and we are not thought of as someone others want to spend time around.
God forbid we get the reputation for spreading private thoughts we have been entrusted with. Or, worse, twisting pieces of their truth to make it more entertaining or titillating to others. That will not serve as fertile ground for lasting friendships.
One common behavior that causes us problems is being negative or complaining about things. People are attracted to others who are happy. We don’t have to entertain or even try to be funny, just positive. A good old fashion attitude adjustment that leaves us with the ability to be a quiet ray of sunshine for everyone we meet will go far to alleviate the loneliness we so desperately want to escape. Our God can help us, if we will only spend a little time with Him asking for His help. Ask Him specifically to cross our paths with another human being who has the qualities we need to improve our lot. Then watch for them and imitate them.
